No. 101: An Open Letter

Dear Britney Spears,

I have put your song "Piece of Me" on my myspace as my default song for the following reasons which I will now share with the world.

1. Because the tabloids JUST discovered that there's a chance you MIGHT be slightly bi-polar. Their idiocy demands reverence of you.

2. Because I listened to most of your singles in a row today and by FAR, the lyrics to "Piece of Me" exceed in wit and mastery all of them. The very fact that you (excuse me, you and your writers) don't rhyme any words with themselves is a big step up.

3. "Derriere". Avoidance of crass language! "Havoc"-- great word. Made me proud of you.

4. The scene where you dance. I love you dancing. Not just grinding against a poll or a man or a vaguely vertical surface. Now I know this is probably a sore subject for you, but you and Justin always did right by me when you danced.

Now the draw backs, the things that made me cringe a little (although I'm rooting for you, a hundred percent).

1. The outfit you selected for your solo sing parts. The fur vest and the biker gloves with the not-quite-tight belly? Darling, you're gorgeous, I'm glad you got your hair back, but pick a better style for yourself.

2. The lyric, "no, for real..Are you kidding me?" -- I mean, I get the effectiveness, because , you know... for reals! But I think you all could've sunk that one a little better.

3. It's awful, it truly is, but you got your kids taken because you're a little nutty, so the lyric about there being nothing wrong with working and being a mama.... sweety, Mrs. Huxtable was a working mother. MY mother was a working mother. Daring, you get paid millions to not wear a lot of clothing and be crazy for the paparazzi... it's a smidge different.

4. "Boys" is the worst song in the history of ever. Not even Pharell can dig you out of that one. The video makes it worse, despite Mike Myers. It gets very near to canceling out "Piece of Me" ... but not quite.

5. The M.I.A. sound you ripped off of for "Gimme More"... and for that matter, the Gwen sound your ripped for "Toy Soldier". Let them do it, sweetie, you've got your own thing.

You've restored my faith. When I get back to school, I will DC++ Black Out and will listen to it with pride. I needed that restoration of faith in you. We're gunning for ya girl, lifting up prayers that your sister's kid (among other things) will NOT inherit Auntie B's pension for poor choices in men, fashion and substance abuse, but will inherit her charm, her beauty and her ability to whip her hair around her head for some crazy dance action.

Love, a revitalized fan.