No. 230: Fans

"You ain't got the slang but you got the face to play the role"..i.

Had lunch with Josh @ Chipotle today. It's nice to connect with people I usually associate with Columbia in places other than Columbia. Hopefully I'll get to chill with Anna up here soon. Josh called me out on some things, which for some reason didn't bother me at all. He's one of the people I can look in the face, admit I was wrong, say "it is what it is" and have that be that. Columbia houses an inordinate number of people who can do that with me. My mother and maybe Tess are the only other people I can think of outside of that.

Why do we have such a hard time owning up to our faults? I definitely have trouble with mine sometimes. Recently I've gotten better about it though. There are things wrong with me. That's just that. The Lord is working on my heart regarding many of those things. Some of them I'm not ready to let go of yet, however, and I know that's to my detriment. I don't know about this 100%, but most of the time, I'm ready to admit that. Sometimes I care too much about what other people think and sometimes I dont' care enough. Sometimes my mouth runs away with me. Sometimes I don't think it through. My temper can be totally irrational. If 80% of the people I care about said any of those things to me, I would be totally fine with it because it is what it is!

A week ago Kend all and I started ragging on Jordan and he got mad and stormed off. I meant to apologize but didn't and then forgot about the whole thing. I didn't think about it until today when Matt mentioned him. When I said I'd forogotten to apologize, he said that Jordan wasn't necessarily mad at me, but his opinion of me had changed. That bugged me so much. I think it's because I let my mouth get in the way when the only reason I was raggin' him in the first place is because I care about him and don't want him to get in his own way. I need to apologize, but I got to the place today after this irked me for about an hour, that if he still felt that way, then I was better off not caring. It just proves the point about which we were arguing in the first place. I do like him an awful lot though and it sucks to lose friends over ridiculous things.

It's so cold. And icey. I hate ice. I've almost fallen about 40 times in the last 2 days. Still- it's gorgeous and I know there will probably be a point this summer where I'm sweating and miserable and I think, "I wish all of this was covered in ice". But I doubt it. I'm ready for a beach.

Dinner @ Dad's tonight and sorting my rent, etc. Hopefully getting a air card for my computer internet (which hopefully won't mess with my PS3 hook up). Then either going dancing with Maddie G or coming home to fall immediately asleep. Worked out for the first time in 6 months today and it was rough. Tomorrow I'm either going to go hang out in Columbia or go home for the weekend. Who knows. I hate making plans lately.

I've been listening to the same music as usual. It's getting old. I need some new hip hop (other than Biggie, its mostly been Danger Doom or Mos Def) and a good rock band that doesn't bore me. Revisiting The Strokes has been good, though. I'm babbling now.

HS.